I wish these anti-depressants would kick in.
Did you know that postpartum depression is kicked off by the drop in pregnancy hormones in a woman’s body? That same drop happens when a woman miscarries. Granted, the drop isn’t as severe since the hormone level hasn’t gotten as high, but she also doesn’t have a little baby to help stave off the worst of the depression feelings.
The materials I’ve read on this andi-depression medication say it’ll be 3-4 weeks till I feel its effects. My doctor said 6. I don’t know if she was just trying to keep my expectations down or if that’s really more what she’s seen in her experience. In any case, it’s only been a week and a half or so, so even by the most optimistic standards I wouldn’t be feeling it yet.
I’m tired. We finally did Christmas pictures this morning. It wasn’t much fun for any of us, but we got one decent one that’ll be the one we send out this year. It took a long time because any time we got Branwen to smile, Alexis was sitting there biting her lower lip. It’s a nervous habit and I haven’t figured out how to break her of it yet. Anyway, the more we told her not to do it, the more nervous she got and the more she did it. 😛 It took at least 20 minutes to get one good shot. We tried for a few more and weren’t having much luck, so we ended up giving up and figuring we should be grateful for the one decent one we got.
A nurse from the OB’s office is going to call me back to talk about whether we need to discuss infertility testing. I’m not sure if they’ll want to since this is my second miscarriage or if they wait for you to have two in a row rather than just two total. Anyway, she’s supposed to call this afternoon. I gave them my cell number so I wouldn’t have to stay offline.
I’m not having too much trouble thinking about the practical aspects of the miscarriage at this point (which is definitely better than I was doing this long after my first miscarriage), but I still can’t let myself dwell on the more emotional aspects of it. I don’t like hearing sympathy from anyone, though reading it is nice because I don’t have to respond. The response is the hard part, because saying, “It’s ok,” would be a lie and I don’t really feel like talking about how I’m feeling yet. I’ve tried just saying, “Thank you for your sympathy,” but it seems kind-of empty. My closest friends understand that I’m not quite ready to talk about it on that level yet, which is nice. Wendy has been especially sensitive, letting me know she’s there but continuing to talk to me about everyday things as if everything’s ok at the same time. That way I’m not dwelling on it all the time, but I can talk about it when I need to.
Anyway, I should try to rest while Alexis is watching a video. Maybe the nurse will call soon.